Jumping right in… gaps.
So, my gaps… wow, heavily gaping in the area of health.
I think I am going to focus my insights solely in this one area. I didn’t have to do much drawing to see how visually barren my illustration was in the quadrant of “health” which could be a sub-title under the quadrant of “self”.
What I’ve learned is, I don’t feel as though I can openly discuss my health woes with many people. Maybe it has to do with the desire to keep private things… private. I’m fairly outgoing and I love people. But, I like to keep my private affairs… just that, private. After all who really wants to know about what kind of pain I’m having? (This is what I tell myself.) I don’t want to burden friends or have people feel sorry for me or worse… have my concerns be excused. I want to be able to express my concerns and anxieties…. and be validated.
What I’ve learned through the years is that I have to speak up to let people in, be heard, validated, and to find a solution to take place. Not so easy for the tight lipped. As it seems, my gaps in the “health” realm cover everyone from very personal contacts (I do have a couple close connections I can call on)… to physicians. More in the realm of health care providers. What makes it worse for me, I don’t like feeling that I have to rely on a random doctor I’ve seen only once… for a referral to go to one that I’ve never met. Which sometimes keeps me from actively seeking any out.
So OK, you can see some holes.
Going back to… speaking up and letting people in. This is key. I could ask my local friends (give them a little information about what’s concerning me) for health care providers they trust. And, then I’m benefiting three fold, I’ve let people in, built some community, and hopefully received a good contact for the future. Win…win… win.
A question was asked at group on Monday… “how do you feel as you see your personal network unfold visually? How does it feel inside your body right now… knowing you can ask these people for help?” Most people responded with: “relief, I feel good knowing I don’t have to do it myself, cooperative, empowered, can learn a new perspective”… all very good.
My response was… I feel connected, secure, supported, capable, warm & fuzzy… like there is a solution somewhere. And, then I started feeling in my body… uncertainty and vulnerable. Uncertain to how my network would respond to my needs.
So… then I have to tell myself again… open your mouth & let people in… speak up “Garner Girl”! I can’t assume what people’s reactions are going to be. I can’t build true authentic community if I am not first transparent myself. It hurts me the most, if I isolate myself. I lose out, am disconnected… and no one really knows what’s going on. Relationships aren’t built. No solution can be acheived that way. So, what I’ve learned… grin… grit your teeth if you have to… let people in… and ask for help. It’s a good thing.